Dealing with the negotiating phase of grief: Comprehending and navigating the bargaining period following a loss experience
The bargaining stage is one of the five stages of grief, a process that helps individuals cope with loss. This stage is characterised by attempts to regain control or reverse the loss through negotiation, often involving "if only" or "what if" thoughts.
During the bargaining stage, an individual might seek to regain control of their inner narrative, as they grapple with feelings of uncertainty, false hopes, and genuine prayers. This stage is often an internal experience defined by panic and extreme discomfort, where one may feel emotions such as shame, guilt, anger, resentment, feelings of betrayal from a higher power, insecurity, and sadness.
Common examples of the bargaining stage include thinking "If only I had sought medical help sooner" or "If only I had said goodbye". Individuals may also make promises or deals with a higher power, like "If I survive this, I will change my life". They might imagine alternate scenarios where the loss could have been prevented, or feel guilt or regret over perceived mistakes leading to the loss.
The bargaining stage is a normal part of the grieving process, but it can make an individual feel lost and alone. However, with time and honest emotional work, people who are experiencing grief and bereavement can start to move forward with their lives, without leaving cherished memories behind.
Seeking help from a grief or bereavement counselor is highly recommended during this stage. Journaling can also be beneficial, as it helps reveal innermost wishes and desires related to what has been lost during the grieving process.
It's important to note that the stages of grief are not necessarily linear; people may skip or revisit bargaining multiple times. The bargain in the bargaining stage is not something that can actually occur but is a fantasy that temporarily assists in bringing more control in the person's mind.
No one stage of grief is the hardest for everyone, as everyone experiences the stages of grief in a very unique way. It's crucial to remember that it's okay to feel stuck in the bargaining stage, and it's okay to seek help.
Overcoming the bargaining stage requires being patient as you begin to heal, not stigmatizing the bargaining stage, and talking to a mental health professional if needed. With the right support, individuals can navigate the bargaining stage of grief and eventually find a path towards acceptance and healing.
In the context of personal struggles and loss, an individual may find themselves grappling with the bargaining stage, suggesting ideas like, "If only I had focused more on my health-and-wellness, perhaps my mental health would have been stronger, and I could have better coped with this loss." As the process of grief unfolds, one might also make deals with this notion of a higher power, stating, "If I can learn more about the science behind mental health, I will dedicate my time to helping others navigate their own grief journeys."
