Sibling Relationships Ebb and Flow: Strategies to Protect and Strengthen Them
As parents age and eventually pass away, sibling relationships typically experience significant shifts, moving from rivalry or distance to potentially deep, supportive partnerships. This transformation is characterized by increased interaction around caregiving, shared memories, and family legacy.
Key changes include siblings becoming primary caretakers and memory keepers, taking on roles that involve managing parents’ needs and preserving family history and traditions. The caregiving period highlights underlying patterns, sometimes resurfacing childhood rivalries or creating tensions over fairness, but also offering opportunities for cooperation and renewed respect.
Life events such as divorce, widowhood, or the death of a parent tend to increase closeness and support among siblings, even if other transitions like marriage or moves may weaken bonds temporarily. Communication challenges and childhood emotional legacies can persist, requiring conscious effort to reshape interaction patterns and resolve conflicts rationally.
To maintain or strengthen adult sibling bonds during and after parents’ aging, open, intentional communication about caregiving roles and family matters is essential. Using structured settings like family councils can formalize discussions and reduce informal tensions. Shared caregiving and practical cooperation foster mutual respect and a sense of teamwork.
Regular communication, whether through visits, calls, or digital means, is important, especially if siblings live apart. Acknowledging and processing childhood differences and emotional baggage openly can help siblings move past ingrained conflicts and build more mature, supportive relationships. Embracing the role of siblings as confidants and supports in later life enhances emotional bonds beyond friendship-like interactions.
A major longitudinal study found that a close bond with a sibling at age 23 predicted lower levels of anxiety and depressive symptoms at age 41. Resources are available for parents to learn how to help children resolve conflicts, such as the online program "More Fun with Brothers and Sisters."
In some cases, it may be necessary to accept that a sibling relationship is not what one desires and to know the limits of the relationship. If there's ongoing tension in a sibling relationship, it may be helpful to analyze the relationship, manage expectations, and seek help from a therapist or family therapy.
Sibling estrangement can have ripple effects, diminishing social networks and causing loss of relationships with nephews and nieces. However, even in cases of estrangement, reconnection is possible. For instance, Patty Pavia, a woman in her late 50s from Philadelphia, drifted away from her brother and sister after her mother's death in 2016. But she reconnected with her brother during the memorial service and going through her father's belongings.
Mark Henick, a Canadian mental health advocate, suggests that picking up the phone to share memories or jokes can help maintain sibling ties that may otherwise slip away due to inertia. In some cases, the death of a parent, especially the last surviving parent, can significantly impact sibling relationships. It can re-establish a relationship or create a need for siblings to make a habit of getting together, even when their parents are still living.
In conclusion, sibling relationships evolve and can become a source of strength during challenging times. Active communication, cooperation in caregiving, and addressing past conflicts constructively are essential for maintaining and strengthening these bonds.
- As parents age and siblings take on primary caregiving roles, they may discover shared interests in areas like health-and-wellness and lifestyle, using these common interests to foster stronger relationships.
- In the caregiving period, siblings can turn their focus towards science and research, collaborating on health-related topics and legacy preservation, thus solidifying their deep, supportive partnerships.
