Strategies for Severing a Emotional Tie: Therapies and Guidance
Trauma bonds, a complex and often cyclical pattern of abusive behaviour, can form between perpetrators and victims of trauma. These emotional ties, characterised by codependency, feelings of guilt or responsibility, persistent intrusive thoughts, and difficulty establishing and maintaining boundaries, can be challenging to break [1].
However, with the help of a mental health professional, it may be safest to end such a relationship. The process of breaking a trauma bond can be significantly reduced with professional counseling services. A plan to enact gradual change toward specific goals is co-created with the mental health professional [2].
Therapeutic approaches for breaking trauma bonds typically involve a combination of evidence-based therapies and supportive care. Key strategies include Attachment-focused therapy and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which help individuals understand and change negative attachment patterns by fostering emotional awareness, empathy, and secure relational bonds [1].
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is another trauma treatment that uses guided bilateral stimulation to reprocess traumatic memories and reduce emotional distress associated with trauma bonds [2][3][5]. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps individuals identify and change negative thought patterns related to trauma, breaking unhelpful cycles and developing adaptive coping strategies [2][3][5].
Mindfulness-based approaches, such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), improve emotional regulation, reduce stress, and promote psychological well-being through non-judgmental awareness and acceptance of feelings and thoughts [2][3].
Group-based trauma healing and experiential interventions, like equine therapy or psychodrama, can enhance safety, self-understanding, and relational repair [3]. Self-care and support systems, such as developing self-compassion, practicing mindfulness and grounding techniques, engaging in creative activities, and building networks of trusted friends and support groups, are essential components of recovery [1][3].
Rebuilding or reframing key relationships through family therapy can also help address the relational context of trauma bonds and support healthier dynamics [3]. It's important to note that the amount of time it takes for a trauma bond to break varies per individual and is not fixed.
Breaking a trauma bond can be a long and involved process, but with the right help from a mental health professional, it's entirely possible. Preserving autonomy and personal choice takes away power from the narcissist while insulating the individual from their attacks. The most important thing in a trauma-bonded relationship is to prioritize one's own needs and put emotional and physical distance between oneself and the person one has trauma bonded with for healing and ensuring a safe future.
In therapy, individuals can work to identify barriers hindering the use of coping and emotion regulation skills. Through counseling, they can develop the interpersonal effectiveness skills necessary to gain resilience and self-efficacy, learn to process their emotions, and identify emotional barriers that keep them "stuck" in this cycle.
It's crucial to remember that a trauma bond denotes a negative relationship marked by a cyclical and complex pattern of abusive behaviour. Thus, breaking a trauma bond is not about punishing the other person, but about prioritizing one's own emotional and physical well-being.
[1] Johnman, J. (2021). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books.
[2] van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.
[3] Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books.
[4] Fruzzetti, A. E., & Linehan, M. M. (2006). Dialectical Behavior Therapy with Suicidal Adolescents. Guilford Press.
[5] Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavior Change. New Harbinger Publications.
Understanding and healing from trauma bonds requires professional assistance. Mental health professionals can help individuals implement a plan for gradual change through evidence-based therapies such as Attachment-focused therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness-based approaches like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT). These therapeutic interventions promote emotional regulation, psychological well-being, and the breaking of unhelpful cycles related to mental health and health-and-wellness.
